I went to see “Another Year” this weekend. What a lovely movie. But oh dear! The hangers on, no lives of their own yet flocking to the ‘normal’ people. Both stuck in jobs that have little meaning for them, no friendships outside the hanging on to their married friends. Neither will make the effort to learn the normal life-skills yet they are wondering why their lives are so sad and lonely.
The desperate divorcee who believes every problem will be solved without her changing herself. She can’t see that learning the normal basics like cooking, being a companion, not always covering up who she is would solve a whole lot of her problems. She covers up for herself all the time, spending more energy pretending than being. On her way to a breakdown.
The single bar-rat, who can’t understand why, now that his contemporaries have either grown up or gone, no one really wants to socialise with him in the same way they did 30 years ago. His only activities are drinking, smoking and eating and absolutely no conversation, except about a dim and distant past he should have outgrown but hasn’t bothered to do. On his way to a heart attack.
It reminded me of something I read about some modern men. I suspect these are similar types to the bar-fly in the movie being described. They believe they can prolong their on-line game-playing youth indefinitely. They are somewhat annoyed that their female contemporaries are out-earning them (I bet those women are working overtime in the hours they are gaming). They feel women should ask them out on dates, and pay (no problem there except I suspect the women don’t find them interesting enough). They are definitely interested in sex, but feel it should come with no ties or responsibilities on their side.
Every now and then I come across someone rather like them. Recently a man I met through buying my car. He really is stuck in a past of violent sports, no responsibilities, a failed yet lingering relationship (with a woman who has married someone else yet hangs around the car showroom – doesn’t she have a job?) apparently no friends, yet wants to take me to dinner.
Phuleez! I may not have a permanent man in my life any more, but I certainly don’t want to land myself with someone who will drag me down and not meet me as an equal. I tried that last year and I couldn’t handle it then, why would I do that to myself again? I have friends with interests in common, with who I can be myself, have fun, have interesting conversations with so why would I?